What is God’s good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:2)? Forgiveness - that you bless others rather than curse them (Rom. 12:14). Inherent in the word bless is the desire for the salvation of that person. No matter what they’ve done, what they’ve said, or how badly they have hurt us, we are commanded to bless them by with the same kind of mercy God shown to us (Rom. 12:1).

Before we can ever hope to bless those who have hurt us, we must start by willfully choosing to forgive them. This begins with an honest desire for God to forgive their sins. We must forgive them in the same way that God has forgiven us. “Forgive them, Father, for they don’t know what they are doing,” Jesus said on the cross. “Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so also you must forgive.” (Col. 3:13).

To be honest, this is where most of us get stuck.  The thought of forgiving the person who has persecuted us and done something evil against us seems repulsive and impossible. The problem is that we confuse the feeling of forgiving someone with the action of forgiving them. We unwisely and wrongly believe that to forgive someone is to “let them off the hook” and therefore justice will never be served. Someone has pointed out that those who refuse to forgive are like those drinking the poison of their own vengeance, hoping it will make the other person sick. But all bitterness and hatred are like a cancer to our soul and to the church.

Yet , no matter how many verses we know about forgiveness or how many appeals are made to the logic of forgiveness, many of us simply refuse to let go of the wounds of the past or present by forgiving the one who inflicted them. I know. I’ve been there and done that!  So let me explain briefly what the Bible means when it says we are to forgive. Chip Ingram says that forgiveness is a three step process -- three verbs of forgiveness:

Stage 1: “to forgive” is a choice, an act of the will. You do not need to feel like forgiving someone to do it. You do need to choose to release any desire for retribution and to ask God to treat and bless the offending person in the same way God has blessed you – with mercy. Choose to forgive that person today. Write their name down in your Bible or your journal with today’s date.

Stage 2: “forgiving” is a process whereby your choice to forgive begins over time to align with your emotions. This process is just that -- a process. It sometimes takes months or even years of forgiving. Even then, It’s often 3 steps forward, and 2 steps back.

On one particular occasion when I was personally attacked, I chose to forgive the person in a deliberate act of will. I know the date and time when I chose to forgive that person. A few weeks later I heard more information about how this person was continuing to share the same false accusations with others. This new information ripped the scab of healing that had begun in my heart.  The issue was brought again to my conscious mind and stirred up emotions of anger and hurt.

This is where most of us get caught in a vicious cycle. We either assume we have never really forgiven the person because the same emotions rise to the surface occasionally, or the repeated surfacing of such issues causes so much pain that we go into denial and bury our bitterness – ignoring this cancer to our soul.

So how does this process of “forgiving” actually work? Paul tells us twice in Rom. 12:14 to "bless those who persecute us;  to bless and not curse. " "To bless” someone can be likened to a type of prayer, and Jesus commands us directly to pray for those who have persecuted us (Matt. 5:44; Luke 6:27–28). The Key to stage two “forgiving” is prayer. Pray that God would bless the person’s life. My early prayers were ones of asking God to give them what they deserve, to show them the error of their ways, and cause them to be broken in order to repent. As time goes on, the Spirit of God began to renew my mind of how merciful and kind He has been with me despite the evil in my heart and the things I have done. Although it was slow in coming, I eventually began to pray that God would bless the person’s life, marriage, children and ministry.  If someone has persecuted you, pray that they would experience God’s mercy. Pray that God’s grace would transform them over time, just as He is transforming you and me by His grace.

Stage 3: “forgiven” as the Spirit of God aligns your choice to obey in forgiving with the emotional experience of forgiveness. Forgiven is the feeling of genuine joy when blessings occur in that person’s life and real sorrow when that person experiences grief (Romans 12:15).

That kind of forgiveness and grace, contrasted with the retaliation so common in all the world, brings glory to Christ through the transformed lives of His fully devoted followers. Grace, in response to sin, is a quality unique to God and this ability can only come from Him and be enabled by Him, but ultimately (when it's exemplified by His disciples) gives glory to Him. You are never more like Jesus than when you treat people in a way they do not deserve; especially by forgiving and blessing them in the face of persecution.

Accept one another
Therefore accept one another, just as the Messiah also accepted you, to the glory of God. (Romans 15:7) 
Therefore, God’s chosen ones, holy and loved, put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, accepting one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. (Colossians 3:12–13)

Admonish one another
Let the message about the Messiah dwell richly among you, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, and singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, with gratitude in your hearts to God.
(Colossians 3:16)

Agree with one another
Be in agreement with one another. Do not be proud; instead, associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own estimation. (Romans 12:16)

Bear with one another
Walk worthy of the calling you have received, ² with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love. (Ephesians 4:2)

Build up one another
So then, we must pursue what promotes peace and what builds up one another. (Romans 14:19)

Care for one another
God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the less honorable, so that there would be no division in the body, but that the members would have the same concern for each other. (1 Corinthians 12:25)

Carry one another’s burdens
Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)

Comfort one another
Therefore encourage (comfort) one another with these words. (1 Thessalonians 4:18)

Be Compassionate to one another
And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ. (Ephesians 4:32)

Confess sins to one another
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The urgent request of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect. (James 5:16)

Be Devoted to one another
Show family affection to one another with brotherly love. (Romans 12:10a)

Encourage one another
Encourage each other daily, while it is still called today, so that none of you is hardened by sin’s deception. (Hebrews 3:13)

Forgive one another
And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ. (Ephesians 4:32)
Therefore, God’s chosen ones, holy and loved, put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, accepting one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. (Colossians 3:12–13)

Get along with one another
Now may the God who gives endurance and encouragement allow you to live in harmony with one another, according to the command of Christ Jesus. (Romans 15:5)

Be Honest with one another
Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old self with its practices (Colossians 3:9)

Honor one another
Outdo one another in showing honor. (Romans 12:10b)

Be Hospitable to one another
Be hospitable to one another without complaining. (1 Peter. 4:9)
Share with the saints in their needs; pursue hospitality. (Romans 12:13)

Be Kind to one another
And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ. (Ephesians 4:32)

Love one another
“I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35)
Do not owe anyone anything, except to love one another, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. . . (Romans 13:8)

Members one of another
We who are many are one body in Christ and individually members of one another. (Romans 12:5)

Motivate one another
And let us inspire one another in order to promote love and good works. (Hebrews 10:24)

Pray for one another
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The urgent request of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect. (James 5:16)

Serve one another
For you were called to be free, brothers; only don’t use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but serve one another through love. (Galatians 5:13)

Share with one another
Share with the saints in their needs; pursue hospitality. (Romans 12:13)

Submit to one another
Give thanks always for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of Christ. (Ephesians 5:21)

Welcome one another
Greet one another with a holy kiss. (Romans 16:16; 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Cor. 13:12; 1 Thessalonians 5:26)

God created you for a specific, significant purpose in the Body of Christ, so it's important to consider what your spiritual gift or gifts may be so that you can use them by faith (Romans 12:4-8).

What is a spiritual gift? A spiritual gift is the God-given capacity of every Christian to carry out his function in the body of Christ. Warren Wiersbie says, “Spiritual gifts are tools to build with, not toys to play with or weapons to fight with.”

How can you discover your spiritual gift or gifts?

First, discovering your spiritual gift(s) is not the great mystery we often make it out to be. God has given you a gift or gifts and He intends for you to know your gift, to develop it and to use it for His glory. Gifts are not classified or top secret material intended only for the spiritual elite.

Second, arrive at a simple and concise definition for each of the spiritual gifts recorded in the Scriptures (Romans 12:6-8; 1 Corinthians 12:8–11; 1 Cor. 12: 28–31; Ephesians 4:11; 1 Peter 4:10-11). For example, the gift of faith is the supernatural ability to trust God. Faith is both active and passive. The housewife, for example, may demonstrate active faith by trusting God to establish a coffee-type Bible study for the gals in the neighborhood. The husband may exercise active faith in stepping out into a new type of business venture that will bring additional opportunities for ministry. Passive faith is faith which hangs on for dear life. A wife with the gift of faith may demonstrate her passive faith when all the obstacles point to her husband throwing in the towel and quitting a job or continued education, but she keeps encouraging him to trust. These kinds of faith benefit the body by encouraging others to trust the Lord both actively and passively.

Whatever you do, do not define the gifts in terms of the spectacular. Rather, define the gifts as they relate to you and the needs of others. Consider how the gift of faith would manifest itself in your situation, on the job, at home, in your responsibilities in the church and your community?

Third, and most important, obey the Scriptures. Corresponding to every spiritual gift is an imperative or instruction to every Christian to carry out that function. The reason why most Christians don’t know what their spiritual gift is, is that they have never tried to do it yet. A great place to start is in the context of a PBC Care Group where you will see the real needs of others and have an opportunity to take initiative to lovingly meet that need in the way that seems best to you as you ask God for His direction.

If you were to ask me what I thought your natural abilities were, the first thing I would do is to ask what you have tried. Have you ever tried to play baseball, to water ski, to bowl, to sew? If you haven’t you will never know. You may study sewing, baseball, bowling or whatever, but you will never know if you are good at it until you have made a genuine effort to do it. The general imperatives of the Scriptures have made it easy for us. They command us to do everything which corresponds to some spiritual gift.

In your obedience to the Scriptures, do the things that you see need to be done. I believe it is almost impossible for one with the gift of teaching not to show his hand at a discussion-type Bible study. There is virtually no way you can keep a gifted teacher quiet. He senses a need to teach, and, if given the chance, he meets that need by sharing what he knows to be God’s answer. The one with the gift of giving is the one who is most sensitive to financial needs. He senses needs that go over every one else’s heads. The same is true of the administrator. He will sense the lack of organization and immediately move in to meet that need. It is my contention that with every spiritual gift comes the complimentary ability to discern the need as well as the ability to meet it.

As you use your spiritual gifts, you will react to given situations in the light of their gifts. If a waitress spills someone’s meal all over the restaurant floor and a group of Christians are sitting nearby, each individual will react in accordance with this spiritual gift. The gift of mercy responds by concentrating on cleaning up the mess, the gift of giving offers to pay for another meal, the gift of exhortation seeks to cheer up the waitress. The gift of administration delegates and organizes the whole matter to avoid confusion. The gift of teaching may suggest some ways to avoid a recurrence of the problem. Your spiritual gift makes you sensitive to certain needs that others may not perceive. Do what you see needs to be done. As you use your gifts, whatever they may be, remember that the greatest gift is love (1 Cor. 13:1-3, 13).

Fourth, devote yourself to what you do best. When you once begin to meet the needs which you see you will quickly discover that you do some things better than others. The fact that you do not do some things very well is no indication that you are to stop altogether in that area. But this will be a clue as to where you should concentrate your efforts. On the basis of your own evaluation and the suggestions of those you respect, begin to devote more time and energy to the things you do best. This leads to the development of the gifts which you possess. Whatever opportunities come up which will aid you in enhancing your spiritual gifts, make the most of them. You may learn that a job change will help you develop your gift. For example, if your gift is teaching, you may well consider a teaching occupation that will enhance your abilities in teaching. If you are particularly skillful in counseling, you may be able to find a job that gives you additional opportunities to develop this ability.

The most important thing, whatever your gift or gifts may be, is to pray for opportunities to be used by the Lord Jesus to meet the needs of others, and then use your gifts in love by faith to meet those needs (1 Peter 4:10).